


Reach for my Hand

by FrozenEagle



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, edelgard makes a friend, marianne makes a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:40:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenEagle/pseuds/FrozenEagle
Summary: Originally posted on my Tumblr---Edelgard goes out for a walk along the Monastery ramparts after a nightmare, only to discover that she isn't out there alone.
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund & Edelgard von Hresvelg
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	Reach for my Hand

After the night proved itself to be no different from the others, Edelgard found herself wandering along the walls of the outer courtyard. Aside from the odd patrolling guard, it was relatively secluded. The walls in that part of the monastery towered over a hundred feet above the steep, rocky cliffs below. Save for perhaps a wyvern or pegasus invasion, that part of the monastery had nothing to worry about, which meant she could walk in peace without having to be reminded about curfew.

The air had a chill to it, and Edelgard pulled her jacket collar a little tighter to keep out the wind. She should head inside, but she was still shaken by her lastest nightmare and she couldn’t quite convince herself to return to her dark, confining dorm room just yet.

As she reached the furthest portion of ramparts - the place where the walls were at their tallest and most formidable and where torches were scarce - she spotted something...peculiar.

Someone was... _sitting_...on the wall. Legs hanging precariously over the edge to a dark demise.

Edelgard frowned. Such a sight would normally simply be confusing, but as she recognized the head of light blue hair, a worrying thought bubbled up and refused to go back down. So she carefully headed over.

“Marianne?” she asked when she was close enough, taking extra care to be as soft and non-threatening as possible so as not to startle the Golden Deer student.

Marianne still jumped, though thankfully just a flinch and nothing more. “Oh! Edelgard?” she asked in surprise, turning to the Black Eagles leader with widened eyes, “I didn’t expect to see anyone out here! ...Wait, what _are_ you doing out here?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Edelgard admitted, closing the distance between them and leaning against the parapet, “Going for a walk tends to help.”

“Why did you come all the way out here?” There was something in Marianne’s voice that Edelgard couldn’t quite place: accusation, perhaps? Maybe suspicion?

“I haven’t explored this part of the monastery yet,” Edelgard replied with a shrug, “Besides, the lack of guards means I don’t have to explain myself if I get caught out of bed.”

“Oh... Yes, I suppose that _is_ another good thing about this location,” Marianne said quietly.

“What else is good about it?”

“Hmm?”

“You said ‘another’. Is there something else about this place?”

Marianne quickly looked away, looking _down_ at the ground far below. “Oh... Um, the view is nice up here, I suppose,” she said quickly.

Edelgard frowned again. Marianne had a white-knuckle grip on the edge of the stone wall, and she had inched herself forward - just _enough_ to be concerningly close to the edge. A moment of silence passed between them. The wind blew softly through the valley below, causing silver locks and blue curls to dance in the breeze.

Marianne continued to look down, her jaw set in determination. Edelgard knew she couldn’t leave. Not _yet_.

The Princess looked out at the view Marianne spoke of. It was largely darkness on this moonless night, but the faint outline of distant mountains and forests and rivers could be seen if one looked hard enough. Small clusters of lights speckled the landscape, little towns surrounding the monastery separated from each other by farms and wilderness. It was quiet, and quaint. Certainly a far cry from the view she had back in Enbarr. But one thing stood out more than anything else.

“You can see so many stars tonight,” she said softly, looking up at the night sky and the brilliant array of galaxies and cosmic entities. She was used to seeing only a few stars, just the major constellations and brightest stars that could fight through the aura of light surrounding the Imperial Capital. But now the sheer vastness of the universe made itself clear as crystal with the millions of twinkling lights high above.

Marianne made a non-committal noise. “Oh, um... I suppose you can,” she sighed.

“My older brother used to tell me stories about the constellations,” Edelgard continued, “It was so long ago I’m afraid I don’t remember them well, but I do remember where they are in the sky.” She paused, and then pointed out to a group of stars. “That one there is Vespira, the Great Warrior. And that one was made for Loog, of Faerghus. And over there is the Golden Eagle.”

She smiled a little when she noticed Marianne following her finger and no longer looking at the ground. “I think that one’s the Jade Tiger,” she said meekly, hesitantly extending a hand out to point out another constellation.

“You’re right,” Edelgard praised, “I remember a bit of that story. It was about a tiger who stole a piece of jade from the Emperor in an attempt to gain good luck and fortune. The Emperor was so enraged that he had the tiger flung into the sky as punishment for stealing.” She chuckled softly. “All of those stories are so wildly farfetched, don’t you think?”

Marianne nodded. “So many involve being thrown into the sky,” she muttered, “I wonder what such a fate would feel like?”

“It likely wouldn’t be very nice if one was afraid of heights,” Edelgard said, amused by her own comment. Her mirth faded when she saw Marianne once again staring at the ground far below. A gust of wind blew past, and she shivered from the cold. “Well, I suppose I should return to the dorms. Would you like to join me? I would be happy to quickly brew some tea to warm us up before going back to bed.”

Marianne didn’t look up. “No, um, that’s ok. I appreciate it, but...”

Edelgard didn’t budge. She tugged her jacket a little closer to herself, but otherwise remained where she was. After a long pause, she finally cut to the chase: “Is everything alright, Marianne?”

Marianne said nothing, instead acting like she hadn’t heard the princess.

“I just... I don’t want to leave you alone right now,” Edelgard admitted softly, “I’m worried about you.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Marianne sighed, “I...I’m _fine_. I...”

“I don’t like rushing to conclusions, but...”

“I said I’m _fine_. You should go back to your room, Edelgard.”

Edelgard bit her lip. She wasn’t good at this sort of thing. She was perhaps a little more socially adept than Marianne, but not by much and certainly not about heavy topics like this. Still, she refused to back down. “Do you wish to talk about it? Perhaps just release a little?”

Marianne closed her eyes tight, sniffling a little before speaking: “There’s nothing to talk about. I...I’ve made my decision.”

Edelgard’s next words were soft, quiet, unusual from the normally stoic and powerful princess: “Then why haven’t you done it, yet?”

Marianne released her iron grip on the wall and wrapped her arms around herself, an action that forced Edelgard to take a reactive step forward. “I’m...waiting,” Marianne whispered, “For the goddess to...give me a sign.”

Edelgard fought the urge to roll her eyes. She bit her tongue, mentally chastising herself for making snarky comments about people’s faiths in delicate situations. She chose her next words carefully, and said gently, “Well, what are the chances I’d run into you out here? Perhaps _this_ is a sign. Come back to the dorms with me, Marianne.”

Marianne turned to look at her. Edelgard noticed the timid girl giving her the once-over, trying to discern where her motivations lay. “Why do you... You’re not from my House. We barely even _know_ each other,” she breathed, shaking her head a little in disbelief.

Edelgard sighed and moved to stand beside her again, once more taking up her position leaning against the rampart. “I don’t like seeing people give up,” she said simply, “I believe there’s still fight in you.”

“It doesn’t matter if I still have fight. I’m not _worth_ anything,” Marianne insisted, “Perhaps everyone would be better off if-”

“That’s bullshit. Complete and _utter_ bullshit.” Edelgard met Marianne’s meek gaze with an intimidating stare of her own. The fire in her lilac eyes was similar to what came out on the battlefield, but this time, Marianne strangely felt no fear looking into them. “ _No one_ is worthless,” Edelgard told her, her voice strong and surer than anything she’s ever been sure of.

“You don’t know me,” Marianne replied, looking away in shame, “If you did, you’d know that _I_ am. It’d be better this way.”

Ah. So that was it. Secrets, mysterious pasts, burdens no one else could know about. Edelgard was more than aware of how such things could take their toll. She also knew how stressful it could be if a total stranger demanded an explanation in a time of emotional distress.

She drew a deep breath, and looked up at the stars once again. Her brother had told her once that heroes were placed in the stars if they did something truly worthy of the honour. She smiled bitterly. Heroes and villains were both awarded the same fate, in both fable and reality.

She wondered where he might have ended up, just a child taken from the world far too soon.

“At the Imperial Palace in Enbarr, out in the gardens, there’s a lake,” she began, her voice quiet, a slight tremble marring it, “It’s mostly just a large pond, but it’s wide, and _deep_. It falls off to darkness rather close to the shore. My brothers used to say that a monstrous fish lives in the very bottom of it, and they used to threaten to feed me to it if I bothered them too much.”

“That...sounds horrible.”

Edelgard shrugged. “They were only teasing. Sometimes Ludwig would hoist me up high into the air and pretend he was about to throw me in, but Frederick would come to my ‘rescue’. We’d always end up rolling around in the grass on the water’s edge, laughing and ‘battling’ each other.” She chuckled to herself at the memory. “We’d always return to the palace covered in mud and grass stains and it drove our retainers crazy.”

Marianne said nothing more, instead watching the princess with curiosity. Her heart sank when Edelgard’s pleasant smile faded away.

“I...I lost my siblings to a horrible fate,” Edelgard admitted, “They were...taken from me by disease and madness. A horrible plague swept through the palace, snatching us all up and devouring our lives. Slowly, methodically. It was...like _torture_. To this day no one knows what kind of plague would do such a thing.”

Another deep breath.

“I survived. I was the only one, and I bear the scars and burdens from being the one the plague chose to spare.” She closed her eyes, and her mind brought her back to those horrific memories. “After it was over, and things returned to the closest they could have been to normalcy, I...I would find myself on the shore of that lake. Sometimes during the day, sometimes in the dead of night. Rain, snow, sunshine - didn’t matter the weather. I never thought about it, never realized I was even walking to it, until the water met my feet.”

She clenched her fists, nails biting into her palms through her gloves. She opened her eyes and shook her head, trying to force those wretched memories from her head. “I can’t swim,” she uttered, “I never learned how. And sometimes I would stare at that lake and think how _easy_ it would be for me to just...disappear. Into the depths.”

Marianne turned toward her, subconsciously moving _away_ from the edge of the wall. “You... _What_?” she whispered.

Edelgard met her surprised gaze with a small smile. “It was almost... _instinctual_ ,” she said, “Any time I started to miss them, or felt guilty about being the one who lived... I’d find myself out there.”

“What...” Marianne swallowed hard, then turned to glance down to the rocky ground below - for the first time seeming fearful of the drop. “What made you... _not_...”

Edelgard shrugged. “I found something to drive me, to give me something in the future to push toward,” she explained, “It still hurts to think about them. Even now, I’ll sometimes get a wave of guilt. I’ll think about how my brothers were better fighters than me, or stronger leaders. Or how my sisters were kinder, or more social. Sometimes I just wonder how things would have been different had it _not_ been me...” She clenched her fist tight, and continued with resolve, “But I know now that it doesn’t matter. It _was_ me, whether I want it or not. And I can either wallow in my grief, or try to make my life worth something. _For_ them.”

Marianne frowned, and let out a sad sigh. “I have no such reason,” she admitted quietly, “Everyone would be better off _without_ me, and I have nothing to strive toward.”

“Everyone has a reason to keep fighting,” Edelgard told her, her voice surprisingly soft, “It doesn’t have to be some grand, world-changing goal. It can be as simple as wishing to be around to tend to a beloved pet, or wanting to see a certain flower bloom.”

Marianne pondered those words for a moment. She hadn’t really considered it before, but she realized Dorte would miss her visits. Many of the monastery animals likely would. And she would miss them, if she wound up in a place where she’d feel such emotion.

“I...I don’t know, Edelgard,” she stammered, wringing her hands together nervously, “You see... My problem stems from my...my _Crest_. It’s not something I can easily look past, or change.”

Edelgard seemed to perk up at that. “I see,” she said, mysteriously looking away as if deep in thought.

“My Crest is dangerous,” Marianne explained, “Dangerous to others. I’m so _tired,_ Edelgard... I’ve been trying to contain it, to _control_ it, but...”

Edelgard looked at her again, and Marianne found herself trapped in those bold, violet eyes. “Believe me: I know Crests are far more trouble than they’re worth,” she said in a low voice.

The Princess looked away, and everything about her seemed to lighten. She then continued, “I promise you things will get better, Marianne.”

“You’re not the first person who’s told me that...” Marianne sighed.

“ _No_.” There was so much determination in Edelgard’s voice that even one as timid and meek as Marianne felt a boost in confidence from it. “I _promise_ you,” Edelgard told her, “I will ensure, _myself,_ that things get better.”

Marianne stared at her, jaw hanging open slightly in shock. “But... _How_ can you do such a thing?”

“That, I am afraid, must remain secret for the time being,” Edelgard replied, “However I will say this: far too many people have suffered because of Crests. You and I are merely two of thousands. But I am going to make sure that we are some of the _last_ to suffer.”

Slowly, she reached out a gloved hand to Marianne, who eyed it curiously. “I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make things better, Marianne,” she said, her voice soft once again, “And it might be selfish of me to admit, but I want you there to see it for yourself.”

Marianne’s eyes widened. She stared at that outstretched hand that was as strong and unwavering as Edelgard’s words. She glanced down to the rocky ground below, which was cold and unforgiving. Up again, and she met lilac eyes that were anything but.

Carefully, she accepted that gloved hand.

Edelgard helped her down from the wall, and the pair made their way back to the dorms together. They walked in relative silence, but they remained physically close. Not touching - but enough to feel each other’s warmth.

“Um...”

“Hmm?” Edelgard cocked her head as she watched Marianne struggling to form words.

“You, um... You said ‘you and _I_ ’...” Marianne stammered, not daring to look at the Princess in fear, “Y...your Crest causes you problems, too?”

Edelgard’s eyes widened ever so slightly as she felt her heart skip a beat. _Damn_ , how had she not caught that little slip-up?

“I wasn’t aware that a holy Crest like the Crest of Seiros could be negative,” Marianne continued, oblivious to Edelgard’s inner panic.

“It...it is easy enough to control,” Edelgard replied quickly, “It was more what it did to my family: I had ten siblings, and out of them, I was the only one with the Crest. There were signs that perhaps it might manifest to some of the others, but it never did. And it...made things difficult when it came to the line of succession.”

‘ _It also wasn’t_ enough.’

“Oh, I see... I truly am sorry, Edelgard.”

“I... Thank you, Marianne.”

They arrived back to the dorms. With a final nod in parting, they went their separate ways. Though neither ended up getting much sleep - there was far too much to think about that night.

\---

The following day, Byleth responded to a knock on her classroom door. Odd: class wasn’t due to start for another half hour. When she opened the door, she was met by timid brown eyes and a head of light blue hair.

Marianne stood trembling in her doorway, tightly grasping a sheet of paper.

“P...Professor! I, um, I was wondering...” Unable to finish, she forcefully held out the sheet.

Byleth accepted it and skimmed the contents. She then looked up and met those terrified eyes with a warm smile.

“I would be more than happy to accept your transfer, Marianne. Welcome to the Black Eagles.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edelgard and Marianne deserve supports.
> 
> One of the saddest little details in this game is the fact that if Marianne isn’t in your House before the time skip, she just…disappears from the game, implying that all that suicidal ideation she had ended up becoming reality.
> 
> Another is that everyone chooses to stay in Crimson Flower because Byleth chose that path - very few admit to being there because of Edelgard. And in Silver Snow, we see just how true that is when she’s abandoned by nearly everyone.
> 
> I kinda wanted to fix those, just a little. Much to El’s annoyance, Marianne insists their meeting on the wall was an act of Fate caused by the goddess. El insists it was just a coincidence. Both agree that, whatever the reason, they are extremely thankful for it.


End file.
